Nightmares Within Dreams

Even when I think of my dreams, I am under pressure. So many nightmares are conjuring themselves at the same time, it’s frightening. I ponder upon what I really want to do, but then, I think the future might just overthrow me by presenting scenarios (like not being independent at all, earning too little to support my own self, etc.) which make me tighten my grip on what I have right now.

I’m going crazy at the thought of what I really should be. I am repulsed at the thought of being a dentist who does her job for the income. I am afraid I might end up like that. But I want to be a writer (Can I ever say it enough?), just as someone would like to be a teacher and a DJ and a Basketball Commentator.

Yet, when this person talks to me, I feel like I can be anything I want, anything as long as it is me. And with him, me is a word without boundaries, infinite and uncontainable.

And so, though I do not yet know what future I am going to enter, it is important to take note of my conviction that the future is something we create. Our decisions in the present establish our future. Yes, I am a person who rarely ever lives at the moment. And maybe that adds pressure to the circumstances I’m in right now, but I cannot just take chances. Really.

Only a semester left to decide. I hope that  is enough, Future Little Woman. Whatever comes out of this crucial, pain-in-the-ass decision, hopefully, it is the path He wants me to take.


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