Dead Stars

When you left, it wasn’t just you whom I lost. When you left, you took away our friends with you, the family I’ve been growing into. Some days it turned really lonely. It feels like I’ve lost years to people who have always been your friends more than mine.

When you left, you took away the misery. You brought it with you. And now when you ache, I do so, too.

When you left, you gave me a mountain of memories to sort through. Which ones should I have kept? Which should I have thrown away?

When you left, you made me anew. I was changed. But I didn’t know if it was for the better.

When you left, the clouds cleared up. It still rains sometimes, whenever I miss you, but I get by.

When you left, I learned to let go of you. And I have.

 

Until lately.

 

It turns out that when you left,

you never really did.

 

You are still in my heart, and I don’t know what to do. It’s over. I know I don’t want to go back through that again. We don’t even know each other anymore.

 

There is nothing to save.

 

But I miss you. It is getting worse these days.

 

Maybe it’s just the feeling of something after such a long time of nothing.

Or maybe,

I never really let you leave.

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