Two Days, Two Letters

Monday, October 7.

Dear A,

It wasn’t the familiar tone of your voice that did it. You looked at my diagnostic cast with such intensity I was worried it might melt. You were mad about the base which was so thick. You were pointing out that I’ve used too much gypsum. And then you told me that I shouldn’t waste anymore because I wasn’t the one paying for the materials.

If I can kindly point out: I bought a pack of gypsum in Quiapo. Precisely because I knew I was going to need more. And I also had some gypsum from a friend. I just wish you wouldn’t go about assuming things and hurting people in the process, especially when you don’t know the story. All I’m asking for is a little consideration,  a hint of kindness.

I might as well fail that subject requiring that diagnostic cast anyway.

Tuesday, October 8.

Dear B,

I fully understand the consequences of my actions. I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it that way but whenever I found it difficult, I did so. But I never made someone else do it. I never brought my work home even though I wanted to because I needed more time. It never slipped my mind that I have an enormous responsibility to my future patient.

And now I feel like I have done all those things, like I have cheated on my future patient. Because you basically called us cheaters. Because you called us cheap for only wanting a grade. Because you told us that we didn’t deserve to be in UP.

I don’t think it was only the trust you had in us that was broken today. My trust in you also shattered. You were my favorite! I believed in you so much. You have words that can heal, words that can empower. Until you walked towards us with such disappointment in your eyes that it broke my heart. I can assure you I didn’t do it all the time. Still, you make me feel like I have. Like it’s the only thing that matters. And when you spoke to us, your words were different, foreign. You spoke in utter disbelief. And then you brought up the UP card, the condescending tone. And you told us things I never thought I’d ever hear in my life.

You broke me. I know it’s not enough, but I’ve tried so hard. I always thought it would count for something. I’m sorry I cannot reach the standard of perfectionism.

I’ve been trying to look for a reason to stay. Instead, I found one of many reasons to leave. This is the last straw.

I hope you only said those words because you were angry. And I hope nobody ever hears them again.

Never call a child a cheater. That is how you break a person. That is how you wreck the fragile capsule of a being.

***

I’m going through a lot right now. I just can’t believe it: two days in a row! I wonder what’s in store for me tomorrow. I hope the streak of this hell week would be broken.

I cannot go through Dentistry like this.

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