The bed shifted underneath me as I rolled onto my back. Morning light streamed through the gap in my curtains. Another Saturday and I haven’t done anything productive yet since the long weekend started. I rubbed my bleary eyes, feeling like throwing every ounce of responsibility off my shoulder and going back to sleep again.
Reluctant, I rose from my bed.
Prelim exams are hurtling towards me and I am not ready to face them.
Honestly, I feel like I haven’t learned anything of substance since the academic year started. Lectures are floating by like helium-inflated balloons, empty but for a mixture of gases—and even that you cannot actually see. Perhaps I am being too harsh but it does seem to me like all I’ve been doing recently is self-studying. (And if you know me in real life, you’d know how much it angers and saddens me to encounter teachers who don’t actually teach.) And even that I haven’t been doing much, thanks to my inhumane schedule: 7:30 classes every single day except for the merciful Wednesdays and dismissals ranging from 6 to 7 in the evening.
In an attempt to acquire more information and hopefully facilitate learning on my part, I unearthed an old notebook from when I was taking up medical subjects as a Dentistry student. Looking at my old notes, I was overwhelmed by the wealth of knowledge that I had absorbed just from the lectures themselves. Those were some of my favorite times in UP: braving the rain and dripping all over the checkered floors of the College of Medicine, back and butt aching from sitting for so long listening to hours of lectures—but those were the times I felt fullest with wonder, brimming with awe for the human body, heavy with learning. Those days were the beginnings of my desire to become a medical doctor, but I was too scared I wasn’t up for the task.
(Even these days, I still think I’m not up for the task.)
As much as I’d like to mourn the loss of a good version of me, maybe it’s just that I’m finally evolving. Heading to become someone better.
I have always, always loved learning. Even during those dark times when I was too down to properly process information. That was the only thing that kept me holding on. A ruthlessly mediocre education cannot pry that from my fingers without me putting up a fight first.
Being transferees from UP, Roi (oh hi, favorite person) and I had a discourse on said educational system, with mostly just the two of us ranting about the way of things, but the best thing he told me, with his characteristic hopefulness, is that where we are right now is a stepping stone for better things. We are not being arrogant when we say that our current university needs improvement (on a lot of aspects, really). We are only being honest.
A list for today’s Study Saturday:
- Read chapter on Plant Nomenclature. Lots of names and nomenclatural types and, ugh.
- Study Connective Tissue. I’ve been through this a thousand times over the course of my college life but I never get to master it. Now’s the time, I suppose.
- Answer exercises and problem set on Genetics. Sigh. I don’t want to talk about it.
And some more things I need to do for the coming hell (?) week:
- Stain cross section of bone in AgNO3 and mount in balsam. 2 slides! (Arguably the most difficult subject for this semester in terms of skills, but also the most fun.) Did I mention I bought a microscope? Thanks to my uncle for being the kind-hearted sponsor.
- Wire diagrams of meiosis. Ha ha.
- Review on general subjects, too: Calculus and IT.
- Study Physics 2. Yay, Ohm’s Law! Circuits. Surprisingly becoming fun, despite me being naturally averse to the subject.